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1. Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
   
2. My friend named her female dog Karma... Karmas a bitch.
   
3. great minds and dirty minds have something in common, they think alike
   
4. Test drove a Jaguar today. Very fast but the ride was pretty bumpy and the saddle kept falling off. I also think he tried to bite me.
   
5. A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
   
6. WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
   
7. I wonder if Alex Trebek’s tombstone will say ‘Who was the host of Jeopardy?’
   
8. Mondays are middle finger approved
   
9. The thing I miss most about being young is knowing everything.
   
10. My coworkers will stand around confused during a fire drill but the office turns into the Hunger Games when there`s lunch brought in for everyone
    
11. I like superheroes but I`d rather hang out with the villains.
    
12. Currently helping my sister look for her chocolate`s I ate 4hrs ago.
    
13. sleep is for people without netflix
    
14. I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.
    
    
    
    
    
    

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