Daily Silly Status is your home to over 25,000 silly facebook statuses!

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1. My doctor said if I wanna drop a few pounds I`d have to stay away from carbs. So I`ve been using this insanely long straw to drink beer
   
2. The moment you stop giving a damn is the moment things get easier and better.
   
3. Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
   
4. I love how when your watching a crime show and they have to tell you that "this is a reenactment" oh really? you mean you didn`t actually catch the murder on video?
   
5. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
   
6. I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
   
7. My doctor told me to start killing people. Well it wasn`t those exact words. He said I needed to reduce the stress in my life.
   
8. I might not be smarter than a 5th grader, but I can buy beer.
   
9. Girl:How do u feel? Boy:With your hands
   
10. Golf ball sized hail wouldn`t be as destructive if we just made golf balls a lot smaller.
    
11. The filling in this fortune cookie tastes like paper...
    
12. Suddenly my prison fantasy football league just got real.
    
13. Today I sent out a text saying, “Hey, I lost my phone, will you call it?” 12 people called me…I need smarter friends.
    
14. When your wife says she needs a new broom it`s best not to ask if she broke the last one in a crash landing.
    
    
    
    
    
    

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