Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I helped my girlfriend with the dinner last night. I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm.
I´m not lazy, I´m just highly motivated not to do anything.
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
Father: Earlier you used to call me papa but now dad, why? Daughter: Come on dad, calling you PAPA spoiles my lipstick.
I hate when I’m comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
Did you know that one minute of kissing burns 26 calories? No wonder those sluts are so damn skinny.
Shout out to weathermen telling us the barometric pressure like we know what the hell to do with that information.
Mom: You haven`t moved since I left 5 hours ago? Me: Excuse me, where do you think these chips came from!!???
I thought I was feeling a little bloated today, turns out I had my underwear on backwards.
If you didn’t want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn`t have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.
One day I hope to understand the phrase "more money, more problems"
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
My daughter exclaims "Cheers!" before she takes a drink of juice. So no, actually, I am NOT looking forward to parent - teacher conferences.
My girlfriend went to the dentist for a cavity. It`s odd since she spends so much time in the bathroom with her electric toothbrush.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.