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How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
My brain is giving me the silent treatment today.
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
Subway is the only place I can walk in and ask for a 12 inch Italian and not feel like a slut.
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
Winning isn`t everything. Rubbing it in the face of your opponent is also important.
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
Maybe, just once, someone will call me "Sir" without adding, "You`re making a scene."
I can`t tell if I actually have free time, or if I`m just forgetting everything...
I just assume I do everything wrong since I don`t have a wife to confirm it.
I`ve always wondered why they don`t have a pregnant Barbie doll? Turns out Ken comes in a different box...
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
People who say everything happens for a reason should remember that when I punch them in the face.
I was at the hospital earlier today and saw a cute girl with a cast on her leg. Naturally, my first thought was "Hey, this one can`t run away..."
You´d be amazed how often I´m wrong when people say guess what