Daily Silly Status is your home to over 25,000 silly facebook statuses!

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1. The only time that my wife screams my name in bed is when I break wind in my sleep.
   
2. I don`t know how the law of averages works, but you`d think after 25yrs of marriage I`d be right at least once
   
3. If it`s true that we are here on earth to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?
   
4. If you think my post are bad, you should see my choice in men.
   
5. I`d offer moral support, but I have questionable morals.
   
6. If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
   
7. I cannot be held responsible for what my face does when other people talk.
   
8. Thanks to the popularity of gifs, we are living in the golden age of silent films.
   
9. I don`t think any of my vampire jokes will ever see the light of day.
   
10. Tampon commercials create an unrealistic expectation of how much fun it is to be around menstruating women.
    
11. Nothing says "I love you" like my cat aggressively bathing itself immediately after I pet her.
    
12. People are like snowflakes. If you piss on them they go away.
    
13. Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
    
14. You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.
    
    
    
    
    
    

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