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OH NO !,,,,,,,,, I just realized I can`t stop calling the addiction hotline....
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
Sometimes I wanna comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don`t wanna have to explain why I`m in your `Random Party Pics 08` album at 4am.
Turtle: I`m the slowest. Snail: No, me. Internet Explorer: Bitch, please
So many feelings today. Mostly hunger.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
Am I the only one that always puts my wallet back into my pocket before getting my change back?
Marijuana is a type of flower, therefore I am a florist not a drug dealer :p
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
Rejected Olympic Events: Javelin Catch... Jello Shotput... Border Fencing... Cardboard Boxing... Menstrual Cycling... Salad Tossing... Wrestling Demons...
If a picture is worth a thousand words then why does everyone only buy Playboy magazines for the articles?
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
Accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now I`m the proud owner of aisle 7.
Since joining Facebook, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.