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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
My phone battery lasts longer than relationships these days
I love you in a bipolar way because I hate you.
Life is what happens when you’re not looking at a screen.
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
I miss newspapers. It`s weird hitting a dog on the nose with an iPad.
I`m only 30 lbs away from my New Year`s resolution to lose 20 lbs!!
Only a fool trips on what`s behind him.
Instead of `What`s on your mind?` Facebook should say `Just relax on the couch and tell me all about your problems. Don`t worry, nobody will know`..
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
The number of red lights you will hit while driving are directly proportional to how bad you have to pee.
Facebook is like a fridge full of old food you know what is in your fridge but still you go and check if it changed.