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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
Alright, I admit it. Sometimes when I wave my hands in the air, I actually do care.
My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
Attn Single people: If marriage was so great, there would be 6 people on the internet right now.
They don`t seem to abduct humans like they used to; looks like we are not the only planet with government science-funding budget cuts.
Being skinny might be nice, but having pizza is nicer.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
LOQ "Laugh Out Quietly" because LOL is giving me a headache
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
Guns don`t kill people. Fathers with beautiful daughters do. Happy Fathers Day!
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.