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I’ll call it a “smart phone” the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under your covers!”
I`m all for the "going green" thing, but I just can`t bring myself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."
I don`t know what I would do without you, but I bet it`s awesome.
If I had any self control I`d probably eat that too.
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
Married people always ask when you’re getting married like they get points for recruiting to their club of misery.
Debate?.....isn`t that what you use to catch "The Fish" ?
Some days, I practice positive thinking. Other days, I`m not positive I am thinking.
I keep hitting the escape key ... But I`m still here.
If you`re in a hole, stop digging...
For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
A girl phoned me the other day and said “Come on over, there’s nobody home.” I went over. Nobody was home.
24 astronauts were born in Ohio.....What is it about that state that makes people want to flee the Earth?