Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If I could turn invisible I’d go to Paris and beat up a performing street mime… The amount of applause he’d get would be amazing!
Whenever I lock a car up I always press the button twice in a row to let all nearby thieves know that I mean business.
I wonder how many people die each year from lifeguards running in slow motion?
But what if bygones want to be something else? ;)
I`m thankful for pizza and burgers... and ice cream and bacon and fries and... F*ck it, I`m thankful for food. I love you, food.
Kinda surprised I`m not an action figure by now.
screw flowers, its all about chia pets ;)
I spend more time looking in the fridge than I actually do eating.
Nobody on television curses more than the Roadrunner.
Long time ago I used to be young and handsome.. Today? Just handsome
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
I’m glad we don’t have to hunt for our food any more. I don’t even know where sandwiches live...
It`s funny how many people I have in my phones contact list who all have the same name Do Not Answer.
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
why we do not have a romance class...............