Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
We still don`t know sh*t about that airplane. - NEWS
Your dating profile should be like house listings. 1. Sq. footage 2. Date built 3. # of previous owners? 4. Finished basement?
They say love is in every corner... my life must be a f*cking circle!
I`m not saying women are smarter than men, but it`s kinda ironic that there`s so few known women serial killers and so many unsolved murders.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
Dark humor is like sex, not everybody always gets it.
Just saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster, I had to step in, They couldn`t even lift him, We high-fived & laughed
Guy tip of the day: To avoid arguments about the toilet seat, use the sink...
My right thumb is in the best shape of my life.
Let`s be honest. If God wanted us to be vegetarians, he would have made cows faster.
When a girl says: "If you can`t handle me at my worst, then you don`t deserve me at my best"... What she really means is: "I`m a f*ckin psycho."
Job interview tip: repeatedly ask if you`re under oath
You`ve cat to be kitten me right meow.
When I get bored I go to a car dealership and ask the salesman to lay in the trunk so I can "see how many I`ll be able to fit"
2015 and I still can`t believe it`s not butter!