Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Happy people don`t take long showers.
This Donut-Scented Car Air Freshener will more than pay for itself next time I get pulled over.
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
I would rather have a bad day of fishing then a good day of work.
Damn…I’m having an out of money experience.
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
On your deathbed tell everyone "pray for me" then make sure to leave a note to be opened after you die that says "pray harder next time."
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
If by `the Hamptons` you mean `my pajamas`, then yes, I absolutely weekend in the Hamptons
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
Backseat drivers are the worst. They`re always like "the light is red!" and "don`t text and drive!" and "oh god, I think that was a person!"