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I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don`t have great childing skills either.
If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
When you screw up, menopause can be a wonderful excuse for stupid things you do or say!!!
Nothing says "I`m behind on child support." like 26" spinning rims on an 86 Chevy Malibu.
I drink because people talk.
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
I was blown away when I realised the word " OK " is a side ways person.
How many “friend-zoned” guys does it take to change a light bulb? None they’ll just compliment it and get pissed when it won’t screw.
You`re only young once but you can be immature forever!
My box of Animal Crackers said, "WARNING: Do Not Eat if Seal is Broken." I open the box, and sure enough...
If everyone would just be naughty next year, Santa would bring us all coal ... energy crisis solved!
The only reason I offer to be the designated driver is so people will get used to seeing me load lifeless bodies into my car.
You wanna know where I`m ticklish? Hawaii.
We think therefore we must be, but are we?