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Ever since I heard that women have one breast bigger than the other, it`s given me another reason to stare.
Ladies, not every guy who talks to you wants to bang you. Some of us know that you have booze and snacks in your purse.
I wish I could afford to be as weird as I wanna be.
Some people just need sympathetic pat.........on the head........with a hammer
I never thought Iād be the type of person who would get up early in the morning to exercise. I was right.
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
Since It`s summer here`s a little advice, best way to beat the heat is to wear a San Antonio Spurs jersey
Relationship status: Are you gonna eat that?
If Kutcher went to Sheen and said It`s still your show, this was all a joke and yelled "You got Punked" it would be the greatest prank ever.
I don`t know if my stomach is growling cuz I`m hungry or if that`s my liver crying cuz it`s the weekend.
Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"
If A-B-C-D didn`t drag out their part of the Alphabet song, LMNOP wouldn`t have to be so rushed.
Buying your wife a gun is like saying. "You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise."