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Always crush and snort your first pill on the pharmacy counter to make sure they`re not passing you some fake sh!t.
I wish someone would steal my identity, fix it and and give it back...
Racism, sexism and homophobia make no sense when there are so many perfectly good stupid people to hate.
Thinks that thinking about thoughts of thinking are too thinkable for thoughts to be thought about thinking, I think.
Your secret is safe with me as long as it`s boring.
I saw a chameleon today. I guess it was a pretty crappy chameleon.
You know you`re getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.
I finally stopped caring what other people think ... I hope everyone`s ok with that.
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
I love the phrase "boobie trapped" I mean, who doesn`t like to be trapped by boobies????
Uses 3 gallons of water to rinse out yogurt container so it can go into recycling bin
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there`s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
After socializing and being nice to people all day it`s nice to sit down, drink by myself, and be an a$$hole on the Internet.
I love in horror movies how the person yells out "hello?!" as if the killer is gonna say "yeah I´m in the kitchen, want a sandwich?"