Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m sorry I slapped you. It`s just you seemed like you weren`t going to stop talking and I panicked.
You’re not really living if you don’t have an arch-nemesis.
Just when you think you have the answer a woman will be there to change the question.
It`s only when you see a mosquito landing on your testicles that you realize that there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
Survival rule #1: You go first.
My poor neighbour suffered a stroke today...I must remember to close the blinds before getting naked.
Today is "National Take Your Flask To Work Day." ... I just made it up. Tell the others.
Whenever I`m out somewhere there is a 99% chance I am thinking about going home and sleeping.
Instead of laughing my a$$ off, I`m going to start laughing my stomach off. I`d rather lose that.
The best part about being over 40 is we did most of our stupid stuff before the internet.
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don`t have a moon where I live.
All a girl wants is a guy that can make her laugh ... and not just when he drops his pants.
everyone has that one crazy person in there family...but in my case everyone is just as crazy as i am!XD
For some reason I`m an extremely secretive person. Don`t ask me why