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Every Scooby-Doo episode would literally be two minutes long if the gang went to the mask store first and asked a few questions.
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
If something on this page offends you, please bring it to our attention so we can all laugh at you.
LIKE IF you… walk into a room, forget what you need, walk out, and then remember.
Christmas tip: Wrap empty boxes and put them under the tree. Everytime your child acts up, throw one in the fireplace.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
I tell people that the secret ingredient in my cookies is “love,” but it’s actually “floor”
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
My wife and I have been happily married for two years. 1997 & 2004
I often ask myself "What`s wrong with me?" and the answer is ALWAYS "You can`t drink at work"
I always hear people say that a dog is man`s best friend, but I don`t even have enemies who`ll look me dead in my face while taking a sh!t on my carpet.
I just had Déjà vu...and you were an asshole both times.
My 5 year plan is to watch Netflix. All of it.