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If your dog weighs less than 10lbs, it`s technically a cat
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
dear journal..im now the coolest kid in school....mom:SWEETIE THE CHESSCLUB IS HERE 4 U!!!
It’s funny that old people need handicap parking spots but they always manage to pick up a penny off the ground.
Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
If you were born in September, it`s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a BANG
Lol at birds that walk places.
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out
If you use the word "gay" to desrcribe something that is "merry or happy" then you`re gay.
about love
I want to meet the guy whose complaint led to cashiers asking me if it`s okay if they put the receipt in my bag.
Neil Armstrong said "One small step for man...". I would`ve just said "OH MY GOD, I`M ON THE MOON!!!!!!".
Sidenote #2: Always have your middle finger ready on standby.
The future is that time when you’ll wish you’d done what you aren’t doing now.
I think my phone has a Miley virus,It stopped twerking