Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
They should turn off Netflix at 1:00am for people with jobs and no willpower....bastards
Fish must be excellent drivers. Very rarely do you hear about fish getting into car accidents.
Unsettling sounds #23 - Ice-cream van after dark
When one door closes, another one opens.... That`s when you realize that you`ve bought a really bad second hand car.
I DON`T NEED ANYONE OR ANYTHING!!! (Except for Louie...the name I`ve given this meatball sub.)
The sucking moment when you wave to someone & they haven`t noticed you & all are watching you & you feel why you waved in the first place & still you run after the person to stop & say HI
Why aren`t they called A$$teroids instead of hemorrhoids???
Hey, does anyone know which side you`re supposed to wear your fanny pack on? I want to really nail this job interview tomorrow.
As funny as it might be, It`s never polite to yell "Tuba Lesson!" Before farting.
I bet all the cool math nerds call each other algebros.
You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
"Wish You Were Beer!" Wait...no...that`s right...send.
I always hit the "no receipt" button at the ATM because I don`t need that negativity in my life.
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.
Sometimes I just sit and run my fingers through my lovers hair. It`s a nice way to let them know my love and also that we`re out of napkins.