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I am so thankful there is no alert that tells someone how many times I have enlarged their profile pics.
Great idea for an April Fools Prank ... Hide all of the desktop icons on someone`s computer and replace their wallpaper with a screenshot of their old desktop.
When I bust a move , it stays busted.
My wife said I can definitely have a man cave, if that`s what I want to start calling the hall closet.
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
Sometimes putting on pants is the hardest part of my day.
You know that you have eaten way too much junk food when you start actually craving something healthy.
I failed the emergency broadcast test. My apologies to all the employees I shoved to the ground while screaming
When people ask me if I’m working hard or hardly working, I like to stab them with a pen and ask if they’re hurting hard or hardly hurting.
Teacher: what comes after 69. Little Johnny: Mouthwash. Teacher: Get out!!!
I`m done with tucking in shirts. Too many people complaining I`m invading their "personal space." LOL
I woke up praying McDonald`s would still be serving breakfast but I just missed it by 6 hours.
Facebook: Cause why drunk dial one person when you can drunk post the world?
My husband picks fights with me like he doesn`t even value half of all his assets.
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes