Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have thought a lot about it and I am thrilled to announce that I have decided to never die.
Bring multiple sets of clothes to work, change every hour, and act like nothing’s different.
The sun isn`t the only thing that rises in the morning...if you know what I mean ;)
I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
Yes, bitches be trippin’ but maybe I pushed one.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
I would gladly believe in a religion that gives me free pizza and says people who squeeze the toothpaste tube from the center go to hell.
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
Relationships, Marriages, work and children are what keep alcohol companies in business.
Next time some one does something REALLY stupid, just smack them and say, "Man, did you see the size of that bug?"
I`m not saying your cat doesn`t care about you, I`m saying if Lassie was a cat, Timmy would still be in that well.
I dropped my affordable health care because I couldn`t afford it .
I wish I could understand what women with big boobs are saying.
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.