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Welcome to journalism, where everything is made up, and the sources don`t matter.
Sarcasm. Because communicating with morons is hard.
I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.
I just don`t want to look back and think "I could`ve eaten that"
There must be an easier way to transport long poles across canyons other than walking across a tightrope carrying one pole at a time.
Big shoutout to my neighbors, who left their back door open accidentally, when I needed a few things and didn`t want to go to the store...
My doctor asked if any members of you family suffers from insanity, I replied "nope they seem to enjoy it!"
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
If there’s one thing that I’ve learned it’s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
I would lose weight, but I hate losing..
My walk of shame is putting back the 9 boxes of assorted cereals that my wife found in the grocery cart.
"Don`t cry because its over, smile because his new girlfriend looks like a horse."
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll probably be like, “Hey, remember when you used to just give me fish?”
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers