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The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
Sure, Men love funny women. As long as they are pretty...and skinny...and they have a great pair of knockers!!
I must say I enjoy it more when a girl asks me out. To me, there`s nothing more attractive than that high level of confidence, initiative, and poor judgment.
This guy keeps asking me to help pet his neglected, one-eyed trouser snake. What a sweet guy! I think he`s a vet. Ladieeees! A doctor!!
Yesterday I jokingly asked my wife what she was burning for dinner. Turns out it was all my personal belongings.
If a man says something in the woods.. And there are no women there.. Is he still wrong? O_o
Game of Thrones characters should have to wear jerseys with their names on the back
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
Why do I even have unlimited texting?
My last request: At my funeral, someone come up at the end and padlock my coffin shut, just to freak everyone out.
My girlfriend isn`t much of a wrestler but you should see her box!!
So it turns out being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.
Cops are allowed to tell women they have the right to remain silent, but when I do it I wind up with a fork in my leg.
Irony is paying a therapist to listen to how you don’t like talking to other people.