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Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
You think you are too small to make a difference? then you have never spent a single night with a mosquito.
Today I found a penny. It reminded me of you. Worthless & found in everybody`s pants.
When people sit in front of me at the movies. I make a loud fart sound so they quickly move to get away from me.
I`ve been told that I never take responsibility for anything, and it`s all your fault.
I wanna say something. I´m gonna put it out there. If u like it, u can take it, if you don´t, send it back. "I want to be on you"
If I could have dinner with anyone, alive or dead, there is no question. I would want them to be alive.
Unless your kids fundraiser is selling whisley, I`m not really interested
Marriage is just a fancy word for adopting an overgrown male child who can not be handled by his parents anymore.
How come there`s never enough dirt to refill the hole even after you`ve put the body in? Asking for a friend
That moment when I try and be helpful to a blind man getting off the bus by saying, "watch your step"
Thoughts of you make my demons nervous.
when god was giving out brains....you must have miss heard for trains..and missed your bugger
If you want to take a bank teller out on a date, just ask her. Don`t slip her a note at the window. Trust me on this.
Hoping that Steve Harvey isn`t the one announcing the winning Powerball numbers tonight!