Daily Silly Status

Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?

Falling in love is like watching a sexy person eat hot, crispy bacon and wanting to eat some, too. Marriage is like listening to them chew.

You health nuts are gonna feel real stupid when you`re laying in the hospital dying of nothing.

The problem with trouble is that it always starts out as fun.

Shouldn`t there have been one scene in The Karate Kid where Daniel`s mom was like "Why are you constantly in that old man`s shed?"

There’s a bald spot in my yard so I’m gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.

Some will forget, the others are simply women.

I add "Drink Beer" to my weekend to-do list so I know I`ll at least get one thing done.

Give a man a jacket, and he will stay warm when he goes outside. Teach a man to jack it, and he won`t go outside at all.

Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.

I need to start setting an alarm to go to bed.

Some people are such treasures that you really just wanna bury them.

I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...

I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.

Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...