Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
I have short term memory. I also like to fish. Also, I have short term memory.
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
List of the most populated places in the world - 1. China 2. India 3. Friend Zone 4. United States 5. Indonesia
Cant imagine the look on Obamas face when he saw `Olympus Has Fallen`..His next quote would have been.."No more Taiwans in the secret Elevetor office"
CNN needs to reevaluate the use of Breaking News. Perhaps "Latest Speculative News" or "We Really Don`t Know Shit" would work. CNN call me.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
Whenever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth … and drink all the vodka inside … It seems to help
Facebook should have a limit on times you can update your relationship status, after 3 it should default to "unstable".
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?