Daily Silly Status

"Everyone give us money in case something happens and when something happens we`ll call you a liar." -insurance

By the power vested in me and by this case of beer, I now pronounce these three loads of laundry as one.

I`m not the sort of person you should put on speakerphone.

Never take advice from me, you`ll only end up drunk......

I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I`m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.

Help me Obi Won Bacardi, I`m sobering up.

I spent at least half an hour trying to get my girlfriends bra off. I will never try wearing that again.

There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.

Whenever I tell the cashier to ‘keep the change`, it takes everything in my power not to call them a filthy animal.

Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"

I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she`ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.

my doctor says I have the body of a 20 year old, the mind of a 30 year old and the wisdom of a someone twice my age, to which my husband asked " What did he say about your fat ass?" I said to my husband, "Oh , the doctor didn`t say anything about you dear!".

So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?

Im just waiting for the day for Ashton Kutcher to go to Charlie Sheen and say "its stilll your show. YOU JUST BEEN PUNK`D!"

Life seemed more interesting when everyone owned a flask.