Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
Never, ever ask a woman if she`s pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.
Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
Why don`t we ever hear anyone bragging about their Allstate safe driving bonus checks?
The invention of the shovel must have been ground-breaking.
I thought I was having deja vu, but it turns out I do the exact same things every day.
If you live by the sword, I guess that is pretty cool. I live by some trees and shit.
When I grow up I´d like to be a "Retired Lottery Winner."
I was going to get a lot of stuff done tonight, but I didn`t. Because, you know...beer.
After four centuries, the semicolon has finally achieved it`s true calling: helping people wink online.
When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you’re seeing somebody else!” and run crying.
Be careful on how tough you are on your kids....Strict parents create sneaky children.
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? An investigator. Hahaha I’m so sorry. No I’m not.
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.