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I hate those idiots with those bright halogen lights that are blinding, at least they can see my one finger salute.
When a bird hits your window have you ever wondered if God is playing angry birds with you?
Never judge a whiskey by its drinker.
I love using my GPS, problem is I can`t find it.
I have a land line just so that I still have the option to slam the phone down when I angrily hang up on someone.
Checking the time on your phone twice because you were`nt paying attention the first time
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
Don`t sugar-coat it, I`ll just lick that off....
I should win an Oscar for acting like I`m busy at work.
Whenever my wife sings I have to go outside. Not to get away from her, but to prove to my neighbors I`m not beating her.
The Teen Choice Awards air last tonight if you want to see a great reminder of why kids aren`t allowed to vote.
If a cannibal ate a comedian, that would lead to some funny sh!t.
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. Good times.
So the Boy Scouts are going to let girls join. Teenage boys and girls camping in the woods together. What could possibly go wrong?