Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I am trying my very best to get into the holiday spirit but I cant open the damn bottle.
Trying to figure out why I joined the gym when I have Photoshop.
I asked my girlfriend if she was ok with me buying her a ring. She said "nothing would make me happier!" So I got her nothing.
Is it just me or doesn`t anyone disappear in the Bermuda triangle anymore?
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
Last night I had this awesome dream, where I fought this huge fat ninja and knocked him out with my super power punch. I`d tell you more but I have to take my wife to the doctor. She has this mysterious black eye.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
It’s 2015, why cant you unselect a floor in an elevator yet?
I’d drink a lot less alcohol if a lot less alcohol got me drunk.
Velcro, what a rip-off!
People with kids, your posts are all the birth control I need.
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
Just remember, outside of that beautiful slim bride on her wedding day there’s a fat woman just waiting to get in.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.