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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
Love is like hearing your favorite song for the first time. Then listening to it over and over again till you hate that song.
Never , under any circumstances , take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night. O_o
"How much for the man cave?" "Sir that`s a doghouse." "Can you install cable?"
Is "blowjob" one word or two words? God I hate writing thank you cards. -Bfanch
"Safely remove USB." Who does that?
Sometimes late at night.. I dig a hole in the back yard by lantern light.. Sure keeps my nosy neighbors on their toes.. :|
You`re not living life right if you don`t get just a little bit nervous every time you hear a police siren.
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
You’re really not as bad as people say. You’re much, much worse.
Merry Christmas (I apologize if you`re not Christian). Happy Hanukkah (I apologize if you`re not Jewish). Happy Holidays (I apologize if you`re not happy).
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
Ever look in a mirror wondering about the stranger staring back & then realize it`s your neighbor`s window and they`re calling the cops?
You think you love your family but suddenly there`s three of you and one remaining slice of pizza.
I’m still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.