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Modern video games are giving kids unrealistic standards of how many swords they can carry at one time.
I’m what you would call “indoorsy”
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
"The truth shall set you free"....unless you are in court. Then you should probably shut the f*ck up.
“Taking candy from a baby” would actually be a responsible thing to do.
A communist joke isn`t funny unless everyone gets it.
Not to brag, but Netflix recommends certain movies just for me.
Somehow, hitting the "end call" button on the cell phone just doesn`t feel nearly as good as the old days when you could slam the phone down on somebody.
Her: I love it when we finish each other`s Him: pancakes
To be honest, I´m just fishing for compliments tonight.
A homeless guy just asked me for money, and I almost gave it to him, but then I thought... he`s just going to use it for alcohol, and then I thought... That`s what I`m going to use it for.
1st woman on the Moon.. Houston we have a problem What? Never mind What`s the problem? Nothing Please tell us? You know what the problem is.
I`ve noticed that the squirrels are gathering nuts for the winter. Couple of my friends are missing...
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?