Daily Silly Status

Remember, an easily stolen ADT security sign placed on your lawn is the first line of defense against crime.

My bank account is more like a countdown to homelessness.

Condom commercials should just be 30 seconds of crying babies pooping and vomiting all over themselves.

I`m all for the "going green" thing, but I just can`t bring myself to buy toilet paper that says, "100% Recycled."

FACT: Candy corn is made out of melted down traffic cones.

Grabbing a drink after work is perfectly fine.However, you look like an alcoholic when your getting that drink at 6am.

Some Facebook friends are like ghost you dont see them but you know their there

I wonder if the two guys arguing over r2d2 and roadrunner ever get laid.

I`d imagine the only thing worse then getting your period is not getting your period.

I`m no expert, but I`m pretty sure a lot of economic problems could be solved by extending the McDonald`s breakfast menu back out to 11am.

I`ve had enough of my neighbours blasting their music from their backyard. I`m not annoyed cause it`s so loud, i`m annoyed cause they`re Korean & they`ve still yet to play Gangnam Style!

TIP OF THE DAY: If you can`t afford porn, just turn on tennis and shut your eyes.

You might call it lazy ... I call it selective participation.

I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.

What I lack in vocabulary, I make up for in…you know...stuff...and...things...