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If you`re out running in jeans, I`m gonna go ahead and assume you just participated in a felony.
Tattoos are like potato chips. You can`t have just one.
People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they’ll dig the wrong way.
What do sleeping and sex have in common? I`m not getting nearly enough of either.
How do they get the deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
Things you need to know about me: 1- I`m lazy 2- hmm, one is enough
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
Some questions just answer themselves. Like, sit-ups or pizza?
If there`s anything I`ve learned in my 27 years, it`s to never admit your real age.
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.
It`s always the rednecks that know all the inner most conspiracies of the government.