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Marriage is a workshop where husband works and wife shops.
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
Why does the need to pee intensify by million when you are trying to unlock the door to your house.
What’s the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they’re not going to joust?
I finally got some "me time" being away from the kids. Two whole hours. Would have gotten more, but my knees started getting numb from crouching behind the dryer.
Sometimes putting on pants is the hardest part of my day.
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
there`s a fine line between "cocky" and "confidence"...and it just so happens I have perfect balance!
Happy St. Patrick`s Day! I was going to drink anyway!
Goodnight, good people - and nite nite to the naughty ones too!
I really like ceilings,.. I guess you could call me a ceiling fan.
Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
I thought there was a spider on the rug but it was just yarn.....it`s dead yarn now, though.