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I’ll call it a “smart phone” the day I yell, “Where’s my phone?!” and it answers, “I’m here! Under your covers!”
my 2012 new year’s resolution is to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.
Some days there just isn`t enough give-a-damn.
Nothing says "party" like a red plastic cup.
I love buying a $1 burger and getting $2 worth of mayo...
Why Am I Sober? - A Horror Story
I keep my landline active because I know sooner or later Trinity or Morpheus will contact me.
God gives us only what we can handle... Apparently God thinks I am a bad-ass.
I found the key to happiness ... Stay away from a$$holes.
Win every argument simply by repeating your opponent`s last sentence in a whiny voice.
Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
Just because I don’t like you doesn’t mean I don’t want you to like me.- Most Girls
"I`ll drink to that." -me to my next drink
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(
Tarantulas are like cigarettes. They are pretty much harmless, until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.