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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
In a parallel alternate universe, my cat and my dog have jobs and I chill at home.
You know what else looks like a ring and has lots of power over people? Donuts.
Where does Peter Pan have his lunch? At Wendy`s.
Whenever someone says, "Have a good one." I always respond with, "I have a good one, I just wish it were longer."
My religious preference, is for you to steer clear of me with yours.
My Dr said I am a sex addict. I ask him how he knew and he said you are a man.
As if " cray cray" wasn`t irritating enough, people have started shortening it to " cray"....that`s just stu stu
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
Facebook: A place where people, who know so little about anything, have so much to say about everything.
I was going to do stand up comedy years ago but then I thought ...Ugghhh, standing...
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
Sometimes I think "Screw this ... I`ll just be a stripper!"
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.