Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The divorce rate among my socks is astonishing.
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
I put the pro in inappropriate.
I don`t have the blood alcohol level to deal with you
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
PESSIMIST: Dark tunnel. OPTIMIST: Light at the end of the tunnel. REALIST: A train. TRAIN OPERATOR: 3 idiots standing on the tracks.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
Wish I turned into a wolf every month instead of getting my period
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
A recent survey has shown that 50% of all newlyweds want to try anal sex. Or to put it another way, 100% of grooms.
You laugh because you think it’s a joke. I laugh because you think I’m joking.
It’s funny how “You’re so funny” turns into “You think everything’s a f*cking joke” in just 3 months…
Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode.
I miss the good old days..when you could slam the phone down.!!
Ugh... Seriously? If I get ONE more sexual advance on facebook, that will be.. like... a first.