Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
Unless its inappropriately, don`t f*cking touch me.
New Subway rule: You must give the person in front of you a wedgie if they take more than 5 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want.
You can tell yourself that Sesame Street is educational but Cookie Monster has lived there for like 40 years and still can’t conjugate verbs.
Jehovah`s witnesses tell the worst knock, knock jokes
In all my years, I have never finished a pencil.
Honestly, I’ver never see anyone fall because of a banana.
I hate when I drop my pen on the floor and it`s slightly out of reach so I leave it there forever.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
I`m sorry if I looked interested. You probably caught me fantasizing about bacon.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
If at first you don`t succeed, you`ll get a lot of free advice from folks who didn`t succeed either.
People be like: "Awe baby you make me so happy." But the second you break up they be like, "finally happy."
Suddenly I can`t remember if it`s ok to use tampons as Nerf darts or if it`s the other way around.