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Does ke$ha go by k€sha in Europe?
I`ve polished the mirror in the bathroom so much, you can see your face in it.
"We have smaller, secret pants that we wear under our normal pants..." - me explaining underwear to aliens.
To all my friends who post Controversial, Obscene, Dirty, Offensive, and Derogatory posts, .. Keep that sh!t up. I like it....
Why does everybody call it a "hot water heater?" It`s really a cold water heater.
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
I legitimately thought I was having a pretty productive day until I realized my phone is set to west coast time and I`m in New York.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
I roasted a turkey today, but I don`t think he got the jokes.
If you don’t already hate people, the mall is a great place to start.
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes that reason is that you`re stupid and make bad decisions.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don`t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
My friend thinks he`s so smart. He said onions are the only food that can make you cry. So I threw a coconut at his face.
That fact that I need sun glasses to open my fridge means my night must have been awesome.