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Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, get wasted all the time and have the time of your life!
I`m not feeling myself today ... would you do it for me?
It’s not that I’m old, your music really does suck.
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
Went to the virgin islands, now they are just the islands.
Pringles cans should have a twist mechanism like stick deodorant.
I’d get a lot more sleep if I didn’t insist on reading the entire internet every night.
Where there`s a will I want to be in it
Facebook should just change it`s name to "People You May Want to Avoid."
Know your customer. Think like an idiot.
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
I`m thinking about remodeling my bathroom and thanks to all your selfies I`m getting some great ideas!!.....
Saw these three things on a corner, in this order: Liquor store, gun store, bank. What could possibly go wrong with that?
My motto for the night ... drink till I no longer think :)
if you don`t have anything nice to say, come sit by me, and we can make fun of people together.