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The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
I often wonder how things worked out for that guy who grabbed the bull by the horns.
A broken clock is right twice a day. I guess what I am saying is, that a broken clock is right more than you.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
I was an atheist, until I realized I was a sex god.
I`m not saying that I`ve been online too long, I`m just saying that when I close my eyes I scroll through my thoughts
A fun thing to yell at a magic show is "BURN HIM, HE`S A WITCH"
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
They don`t say "Get down Mr. President" anymore. Now they just shout, "Donald Duck!"
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
Efficiency: skip your morning, wake up in the afternoon.
"Has anybody ever seen a chicken fly? No? Good, there`s nothing wrong with ya"
I went to see the doctor today for my annual check-up. The good news is the he says I`m healthy as a horse. The bad news is he uses large farm animals to
If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.