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My goal today is to lose this hangover and earn another
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
Yes, milk from cows tastes nice. But to the person that first found that out...you have issues bro
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
Its real cute how pedestrians confuse “right of way” with immortality.
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
What is Warm, Soft, Sticky and has a Hole in the middle? It`s a Fresh donut. I was way off on that one!
How do you spot a blind man at a nude beach? It`s not hard.
How come dogs aren’t ticklish?
Ahhh..Sunday..the biggest decision of the day...to bathe or not to bathe.
Asked my wife if she would be my friend on FB again, she said no. She said my “funny” status updates are annoying. Therefore, I must conclude she loves me for my body...
My memory foam has amnesia
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."