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Waffles are just pancakes with abs.
If anyone every texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from State Farm"
RUN? I thought you said Rum. I quit.
Women come in two types: batsiht crazy and hot enough to ignore the batsiht crazy…
You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
I dont mind if you call me Crazy, but dont you dare call me stupid. Because to be this crazy some intelligence is definitely required.
Well I didn`t know that minding my own business becomes part of your business to mind
A new study found that legalizing marijuana in Colorado has created more than 10,000 jobs...by keeping Taco Bell open 24 hours.
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
I’m awkward when people compliment me. “Nice hair” “Thanks, I grew it myself”
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
How do you make your wife scream during sex?? Call her and tell her about it.
Women are like bacon, they smell great, taste delicious and kill you slowly. Men are like bacon because we`re pigs.
Did we try giving the government a snickers?
I`m thinking of making a sax tape to make myself well known like some of the bad boys and girls do...does it matter if I can`t play it?