Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My head says “go to the gym” but my heart says, “stay on the internet forever and eat!”
In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don`t think I can keep watching movies
Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why didn`t you text me? I`ll never call you back. Like, ever. You`d have better luck with a telegram.
This girl says she wants me to butter her muffin.. I don’t even know what that means but now I’m hungry.
*Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break.
I`m not ignoring you, I am simply giving you time to reflect on what an idiot you are being.
Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
Friendship is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth that it brings.
I get nervous after taking time off work, that in my absence my boss will realize how little I actually do at the office.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
Love means never having to say you’re sorry until you`ve thought up a good excuse.
Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen