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is cuddling up with a good book and a cup of tea. Ah, who am I kidding... I´m looking at Hustler and having a beer.
Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
I left work in slow motion but it didn’t blow up behind me.
People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
I`ve been around the block a few times, but then my neighbor realized I was drunk and helped me into my house.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
This year, I`m thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
Porn & love songs. Destroying reality forever.
Well if you didn`t want me to fall in love with you, why did you tell me you had nachos?
Why does the person who snores always fall asleep first?
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...