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I log off because I`m bord... I log on 5min later because I`m bord
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
While most people are becoming older and wiser, I´m becoming older and better at making stuff up as I go along.
Sex, do it for the kids.
Remember, pretty much all of the “tough guys” you see on TV and movies were theater majors in college.
My body keeps doing these muscle twitches like it wants me to get off this couch and move around. HAHAHAHA. As if.
I sleep better naked.. why can´t the flight attendants understand this?
Reasons to get out of bed: None.
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
When you leave store without buying anything and all you can think is `keep calm, you`re innocent`.
So how many pokes does it take before its considered a heavy petting?
Which nipple does the red jumper cable go on?
According to my nipples, there;s a ninety-nine percent chance it`s cold as f*ck outside.