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Its weird that goldfish will eat other goldfish but wont eat goldfish crackers. Life sure is complicated sometimes.
Behind every great woman there is a man who loves doggystyle.
It`s amazing how we are very good lawyers for our own mistakes and very good Judges for other people`s mistakes.
United Airlines.... Board as Doctor, leave as patient.
No matter how loud you crank the bass, it`s still a minivan.
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
I bet Bruce Wayne sometimes accidentally signs his credit card receipts “Batman” when he’s drunk. I know I do.
Hopefully because of social networking, I`ve tarnished my reputation enough for anybody to ever place me in a role of great responsibility.
I always dress up when I try to cook. The odds of me starting a fire are pretty high and I want to make sure I look good for the firemen.
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
My 17yo pretends he doesn`t understand how the washer works when I ask him to do the laundry Congrats, you`re finally a man
I’ve thought about running away as an adult way more than I did as a child.
Every photo taken inside my house has at least one laundry basket in the background.
You guys make me wanna be a better alcoholic!
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........