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The awkward moment when you’re running and your boobs are bouncing …. and you’re a guy.
“Let me rephrase this question so I can get pissed off at you all over again.” - WOMEN
I don`t understand why people go to the gym all the time... everything there`s so heavy.
If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won`t ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
only 9530 days until retirement.
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
Chili for breakfast. Cause I hate my Co-workers.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
Could you imagine if guys commented on their guy friends` profiles the way girls do? "Bro, you look so handsome" "Looking hot, man!" "OMG, your jawline is cray" "Ugh, how are you this perfect dude? I`m jelly" "sexy much?!"
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
Lets just skip the fight and go right to the make-up sex.
Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. – The Opportunist
In life you will meet all sorts of people, happy, moody, shy, loud, weird, and then there`s me So deal with it mmuhaaaaaaaahaaahaaaa that`s right !
If you love something, feed it so much that it get’s too fat for anyone else to want.