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Clearly the people that design refrigerators don`t know me if they think one tiny cheese drawer and two giant vegetable drawers is the way to go.
Nice try Jehovah’s Witnesses but dressing up like cops and telling me you have a warrant is not going to get me to open my door.
I had to leave the bowling alley right in the middle of the game. I didn`t have time to spare.
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
I´m on a whisky diet. I´ve lost three days already!
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you’re on.
I’m going to the gym because I heard they have free weights. I wonder how many they’ll let me take?
I make a great second impression.
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
Did you know that DNA actually stands for "National Dislectic Association"
I was pretty disappointed when my boss said we can`t do throw-back Thursday, or bring tequila shots to work
St Patricks Day, when you can eat lucky charms dowsed in beer and everyone thinks..great idea!
I just put Santa hats on all my Halloween decorations.
ooooh boy, Mother`s Day hangovers...always the worst huh?!