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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
I`m lucky to be broke at a time when minimalism and sustainability are in style.
Give a fish something for once for f*cks sake
I was in a bar when a girl called me a cheapskate. So I threw her drink in her face.
Not doing anything with my life is surprisingly time consuming.
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs
Preheating an oven requires too much commitment.
If a gay guy doesn`t write a book called "Fifty Shades of Haaaaaayyy" I`ll be disappointed.
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance... The five stages of waking up.
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
How many Weight Watcher points are in an entire bottle of wine?