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Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
If it’s called tourist season, why can’t you shoot at them?
If other employees are taking four fifteen minutes smoke breaks a day, I should most certainly be allowed a one hour nap time.
This lady thinks repeatedly pushing the already-lit elevator button will summon it faster. I think I’ll push ALL the buttons when we get in.
When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
Happy President`s day all. Heading out to buy a new mattress.
My ex-wife once left a note on the fridge: "It`s not working. I can`t take it anymore. Gone to stay with Friends." I opened the fridge, the light came on, and the beer was cold. Not sure what she was talking about!
Hire a hitman is apparently not the correct answer to "what would you do if you won the lottery"
My favorite thing about winter...waking up from hibernation!
The zoo is a pretty safe place to fart.
"Latte" is Latin for: You paid too much for that coffee.
Life is so hard when you have twenty TV shows to watch.
Where did all the people walking around with boomboxes in the 80s go? I`m concerned
Bran flakes. Helping pants fit better for over 100 years.
Does the employee manual say I CAN`T set up my camping tent inside my cubicle? No? Then please step outside & zip the door up behind you.