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I`ve decided to go my own way and think "inside the box" to be different ... Wow its dark in here!
The only problem with teaching little kids to share is that sometimes they want some of my stuff
The problem is I have just enough money to get into trouble but not enough to make bail.
If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen.
I made a salad with red wine vinaigrette only I left out the vinegar and the oil and ok it`s just lettuce with wine all over it. Anyhoo, I`m drunk.
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
A bachelor party is a lot more appropriate after a divorce than before a wedding.
I can cope with voices in my head but the voices outside my head drive me crazy.
I bet attractive people think the world is a lot more polite than it really is.
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
I`m out of bed and dressed. What more do you want?
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
It takes so much self control for me not to write, "you sure about that?" under Facebook engagement announcements.
It`s always best to fart when there`s a baby on the bus. They always get the blame.
I`m having an out of money experience.