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I hear my ex is now into orgies, or at least that`s what the Craigslist ad I just posted on her behalf said.
I`d try Taco Bell`s breakfast but I don`t start drinking that early.
My panic room is a walk-in beer cooler at the liquor store.
I beat my chess opponent in less than five moves with the chair I was sitting on!
If I had a time machine I`d set it to "back in the day", just to see what everyone is talking about.
If Coca-Cola REALLY cared about the obesity problem they`d put cocaine back in their recipe.
I know they didn`t ask for it, but I sent a stool sample in with my tax returns.
Whats the best part about dating a homeless chick, ..... You can drop her off anywhere
Did the Baha Men ever find their dogs? Did they put up posters or just sing that song?
whoever said that there are no stupid questions was stupid
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
This may be the wine talking but help he’s drinking me, he’s drinking me.
Crayons are a lot like M & M`s, all the colors taste the same.
Whenever I receive a text saying bahaha, I like to believe you are a sheep on drugs.