Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
79% of accidents happen in the home....... Finally, good news for the homeless
ME: “We have a problem, the liquor store is closed.” HER: “That`s ok, I don’t drink.” ME: “Ok we have two problems.”
I`m glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It`s really come in handy this parallelogram season.
You can be like "This is a slippery slope" or you can be like "Weeeeeeee!"
Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I. (I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
The average human uses less than 10 percent of the remote.
Swearing releases stress and that`s just one of the f*cking reasons I do it.
I was gonna call you... but I`m still sober.
I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
I could see how 2 deaf guys arguing would appear to be gang related.
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
I feel like grabbing some random kid and screaming "I`m YOU from the future!"
Line forms here for spankings