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I just bought a new pair of sunglasses for whoever finds them in 3 weeks.
I`ll never understand why the guy that invented braille didn`t just put the dots in the shape of the actual letters.
I bet when Hugh Hefner dies no one will say "He`s in a better place now."
I think I have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
500 + friends... and not one of you saw where I put the remote?
The reason i connot lie is because i like big butts.
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
If Crunch Berries aren`t considered fresh fruit I don`t think this diet is going to work out.
I swallowed an ice cube yesterday and I haven`t pooped it out yet ... Really scared now!
College is expensive, BUT your student ID saves $3 at the movies. So really it pays for itself if you go to the theater 30,000 times.
Requesting a table in the “Hot Waitress” section should be socially acceptable.
Facebook reminds me of what my grandpa always used to say, `Who are you people and what are you all jabbering about anyway?`
I want my children to have all the things I never had so then I can move in with them.
You know that look women get when they want sex ? ..........me neither.