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I don`t understand no one has excepted my boiling water challenge
I find it ironic that it takes 12 steps to get a beer out of my fridge.
My neighbors listen to some excellent music. Whether they like it or not.
How to live a happy life: 1)Do whatever you want 2)Don`t worry 3)Eat whatever you want 4)Don`t take advice from strangers on the internet
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
I like my women how I like my straws …. Bendy and full of liquor.
I like to spend Monday morning trying to remember what I was avoiding doing at work on Friday.
If you scream in a library, people just look at you funny. If you scream on an airplane, everyone joins in.
?"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Dyslexic Santa
Two wrongs may not make a right, but two Wrights made an airplane.
Donuts: An excuse to eat cake for breakfast.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
I do yoga to relieve stress. Just kidding. I drink wine in yoga pants.
I wish that some of my coworkers were not allowed in the break room because those are the people I need a break from.
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.