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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
When people said they sleep like a baby, it`s because they do not have one.
First the Jerk cut me off in traffic, then stole my parking space, then his stupid car got paint all over my key!
Life is very funny, if you take the time to watch it.
Can Walmart be a feeling? I`m pretty sure that`s how I`m feeling today.
The gym is like church to some people. No matter what they do all week, they think they can erase it with one visit.
Oh cool! ... I really do not care.
Why does Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell insurance. Is there something dirty about insurance we should know about?
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
I`m under the weather today, also so is everyone else, that`s how weather works.
To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.
"Wow! That Lean Cuisine really filled me up!" ... said no one, ever.
People are obsessed with this storm but in a couple months no one will talk about it anymore, which is why they named it after the movie Juno.
Sometimes, I think I`m a genius. Then I realize I`ve already seen this episode of Jeopardy.
The problem with reality is that there’s no background music, so you never really know whether something mysterious, evil or adventurous is about to happen.