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You cant ask "What do you mean by that?" without sounding pissed off
According to Tetley the best way to make a cup of tea is to agitate the bag so i slap her arse and shout "cup ot tea fatty"
I once got a ride home from the pizza guy by ordering 1 pizza to be delivered to the bar and 1 to my house. Pretty sure i deserve an award.
I`m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
We should really thank our Dads for bringing us into this world since our Moms were probably tired and not in the mood.
Is your GPS supposed to sigh before it says "Recalculating"?
I bet now a lot of doctors are going to be reluctant to respond to “Is there a doctor on the plane?”
Counting to ten when someone pisses you off works much better if you`re counting punches.
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
I`ll see your fun outdoor activity and raise you a nap.
It kinda makes sense that the target audience for fidget spinners lost interest in them so quickly
The Bishop came to our church today, but I think he was an imposter. He never once moved diagonally.
Running away doesn`t help your problems, unless you`re fat. Then yeah, run away.
Research is what I`m doing when I don`t know what I`m doing.