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My sister told me I was not allowed to babysit anymore. Apparently the baby monitor is not supposed to be duct-taped to the baby`s ankle.
It`s a beautiful day, think I`ll skip my meds and stir things up a bit.
The best things in life require no pants.
I didn`t want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
Touch my food and suffer the consequences.
My fitness goal is just to get down to the weight that I lied about on my drivers license.
I have removed all the unhealthy food from my house ... It was delicious.
I took a sexual harassment course this afternoon ....I think I`m gonna be pretty good at it.
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
I`ve got a Tootsie Pop and seven hours until the aviary notices their Spotted Owl is missing. Let`s do this!
I just want you to be happy…and maybe a little bit naked.
Another funny thing about this status is when you finally realize that it talks about nothing? its all ready too late to stop reading. lol
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
Would buy you a drink but I would be jealous of the glass.