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Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
Apparently slim chance and fat chance have the same meaning.
If I have offended you, hurt you, belittled you in any manner, then I want you to know that I was only just getting started.
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
The worst job to have right about now would be that of a realtor in Ferguson.
Dear future husband, here’s a few things you need to know If you want to be my one and only all my life. I will not be an ex wife .. only a widow
Vegetarian is an old Native American word for bad hunter.
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
How many Snickers are an acceptable meal replacement?
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
Whenever I see a woman breastfeeding in public, my first reaction is to get in line.
I deserve an Oscar for my performance in "Holy crap this is a terrible gift but I`ll pretend to love it."