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I had a Dr. appointment this morning. He asked me how many beers I drink. I held out my hand and said this one is only my 4th, I`ll call you back later with the total.
I went to a vegan restaurant once. Wait, no, that was just a florist.
Why isn`t Hungary`s capital city called "Very"
Why are people with BAD breath always wanting to tell me a secret?
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
My fridge is just hospice for vegetables.
“Oh boy, I can’t wait to be productive today.” – said no one ever
After 3 "it`s complicated" statuses, Facebook should just default to "Unstable"
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
Im out like a fat kid playing dodge ball
I was fired from my job at the sperm bank for saying "get a load of this guy" every time someone walked in
I am absolutely a man of my word. Unfortunately, it just so happens that the word is "Unreliable".
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
I can`t take this long distance relationship anymore.. Fridge, you`re coming to my room.