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If I had a dollar for every time I got suspicious… I’d wonder who the f&*k was paying me, and why?
Teleportation seems like an awesome idea until the creepy guy from down the street is suddenly washing your back in the shower.
Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
feels like getting some work done ... so I am sitting down until the feeling passes.
Consumer confidence is at an all time high, and so am I.
Money can`t buy you happiness, but it does give you the ability to rent it until you die.
Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
If you work Security in a Samsung store does that make you a Guardian of the Galaxy?
Sharing your faith on Facebook is like sharing a fart in a elevator. It might feel nice to come out but no one really wants to hear it.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
Never squat with your spurs on
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.
Pulling out a winter coat and going through the pockets to find out who I was 8 months ago.
Just burned 3 calories typing this with my thumb muscles. #fitness