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My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. Iām flattered.
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
The cable company told me they would send a guy out and I need to be home between the hours of 1pm and 2015.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
Just told my dog "Don`t walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don`t.
I wonder if there are any times on the clock that I have never seen.
Ironing boards are just surf boards that gave up their dreams and got real jobs.
A court date is still technically a date, right?
I got a job at Bath and Body Works just so I can tell people to smell my finger...
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
Every family has a plastic bag full of plastic bags.
If you start smacking people with your wife`s purse she won`t ask you to hold it for her anymore
I got in touch with my inner child and the little sh!t hung up on me.
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things