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Sunglasses: allowing you to stare at people without getting caught. It`s like Facebook in real life.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
Sanity is so overrated. I mean, it`s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn`t want to live there....
So much for the saying, 3rd times a charm, I just checked my Mega Millions ticket for the 3rd time, and still nothing.
My neighbors look at me in a very weird way.. it’s like they never saw a guy with binoculars before.
Don`t be embarrassed by who you are. Unless you`re stupid. Then you`re pretty much screwed.
Despite the high cost of living, it still remains popular.
I bet Waldo`s parents are worried sick.
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
I’d be unstoppable if it wasn’t for law enforcement and physics.
Interviewer: "What did you like best about your last job?" Me: "Sometimes, people had birthdays and there was free cake."
LIKE if you hide your favorite food from your family
Telling people your phone is gonna die, But you really just don’t want to text them.
Want your favorite song to become your least favorite song? Just make it your alarm tune.