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You can`t make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.
Sometimes I order Domino`s but give them Pizza Hut`s address. And when they show up and start fighting, I just wait with my mouth open.
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
I`ve never been skydiving, but I`ve zoomed in on Google Earth really, really fast.
Don`t you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do.
The most powerful I ever feel is waving pedestrians to walk in front of my car. “Go forth, and trust that I will not kill you.”
It’s never too late for a coffee. After all it’s always morning somewhere in the world.
I don`t use my cell phone in the car... I have to keep my hands free for making gestures.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
I think my “check engine” light has finally burned out. So that’s good.
My To-Do list for today is just a bunch of things I wanna eat.
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
So apparently the security guard at Kroger didn`t believe that life gave me that lemon.
I was voted `Most Paranoid` by my classmates at school. Although they never admitted it.
I’m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data