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My top 5 exercises: -Jumping to conclusions -Flying off the handle -Carrying things too far -Dodging responsibilities -Pushing my luck
Saw a post stating "taking it one day at a time," so I responded "me too. That`s how days work."
Being rich doesn`t equal happiness but i`d rather cry in a ferrari
If I suddenly had the ability to teleport, I’d spend an entire day popping up naked in front of people and asking for John Connor.
Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was “reduced fat” so basically it was like going to the gym.
OH I´m sorry! I didn´t realise you were giving me a dirty look. I just thought you were ugly like that all the time!
The only time I proof read is to see how much alcohol comes in a bottle.
Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
I saw a group of kids trying to put another kid into a dumpster. I had to step in, they couldn`t even lift him.
Chicken pot pie sounds like a great idea if you add commas.
I just ate a Cheeto that melted perfectly in my mouth! It was Awesome! ....Until I realised that was the highlight of my day.
Well, today was a complete waste of clean clothes.
I enjoy a bit of unnecessary swearing as much as the next f*cker.
I wish I could forget you as easy as I forget my passwords.
In the morning there`s a huge difference between 6:00 and 6:05.