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I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
Screw Folgers, the best part of waking up is knowing I survived last night`s drinking.
like this if you are against animal cruelty
Doctor: How is your headache? Me: She is fine.
Life would be so much more fun if there were random Dukes of Hazzard style car ramps along the drive to work.
“A body at rest tends to stay at rest” should be an acceptable excuse for missing work.
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Guys...dont mess up and buy her the wrong brand of vacuum cleaner for Valentines Day this year. Spend a little extra for a really good one ... Just tring to help.
A fun thing to do is take a group picture at a party. Then leave & print it at Walgreens. Buy a frame, go back to party, & place it on the mantel at the party.
Fact: Turtles can breathe through their butts. And I thought I had bad morning breath.
Sorry ladies, but I already got my eyes on a woman who`s not interested.
How old do I have to be when I can start pulling in front of cars without looking?
I don`t know what I would do without Facebook, but I`m sure it would be something more productive
Hey Lady!, I just deposited $43 dollars in THIS bank.. DON`T FROWN AT ME WHEN I TAKE 3 SUCKERS!