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Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
“Everything you say can and will be used against you” should be included in marriage vows.
Do you ever just get a random burst of motivation to clean your house, write a novel, paint a masterpiece or read a book ... Yeah, me neither.
Well, if anything, the Mayans did teach us one valuable lesson. If you don`t finish something...it`s really not the end of the world.
lol I rotfl
People: What a bunch of bastards!
People should be loved. Things should be used. Unfortunately, we have it backwards
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
If you’re gonna keep being so attractive, I’m gonna need you to make out with me.
Dear sneeze, If you`re gonna happen, happen. Don`t put a stupid look on my face and leave
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
You are not stupid, I just think you have bad luck when thinking.
You know what the trouble with jogging is...by the time you realize you`re not in shape for it, it`s too far to walk back.
I`m perfect you adjust.
I only have one word for women who look at me like I’m some kind of sex object ... Hi.