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If I don`t make at least one person scream, "WTF" then my day is not done yet.
Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
I made Creme Brulee today. More food should require the use of a blow torch.
Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
Accidentally used AOL.com, I betting the employees there are celebrating and think they have a sure future.
Why do prostitutes charge per hour? I mean, what are we supposed to do for the other 57 minutes?
Tip for women; All men really want is to be close to someone who will leave them the hell alone.
They say that alcohol kills slowly. So what! Who wants to be in a hurry?!?
If people winked in real life as much as they do in texts, the world would be a really creepy place.
About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach.
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
Sorry if my phone keeps calling you, it`s voice activated. I`m at the mall and everytime santa says Ho, Ho, Ho, it dials your number
Coffee? I`ll have a cream soda ... One cup of coffee and I`m up all afternoon.
Daylight Saving Time rocks. It even makes laziness sound impressive. I did nothing for 24 hours? Not today. I did nothing for 25 hours!