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Playing Frisbee with a five year old is amazingly similar to just running after a Frisbee.
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
On the outside, I`m smiling...because on the inside, I`m imagining beating you senseless with Hulk Smash Hands.
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
If you want to ruin a song forever use it for your alarm.
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
I am pretty sure dry cleaning is a scam where they just laugh and rub money on your clothes then hang them back up in a plastic bag.
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
Don’t get me wrong. I totally hear what you’re saying…I just don’t care.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
If the liquor store didn`t want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
Bananas are the strippers of the fruit world.
in wine there is wisdom. in beer there is freedom. in water there is... umm bacteria
I have a confession to make... "I want to get back with my ex"...LOL Just Kidding..."I`d rather shit in my hands and clap !"