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Once in a while you meet a person that makes you smile when you think about them. They`re trouble. Stay away from them.
Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
“Wow! My political opinion just changed because of what you posted on Facebook” – said no one ever.
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
I’m right 97% of the time…who cares about the other 4%.
Someday, I`ll live in my OWN basement!
Plot twist: name your pets after passwords.
I would like to thank you people for letting me know its Friday every week. Its thoughts like this that keep me on Facebook.
This is 2016. How come I can`t email someone a fart when I feel like it?
Whenever I`m feeling down... I try to make sure my nails are clipped.
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
Bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn`t been used at the liquor store since Friday.
Really, 6 more inches of snow today. My front yard is getting more action than me.
My desire to be well informed is currently in deep conflict with my need to stay sane.
I’m bored, think I’ll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on for awhile.