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At first, I had my doubts about using autocorrect. But my new phone probed me wrong. PROVED DAMNIT! PROVED!
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
Dyslexics of the world.. UNTIE!
If Harry Potter is so magical then why can’t he fix his eye sight?
The truth is, I find it very stressful that Smokey thinks that I`m the only one that can prevent forest fires. I don`t feel trained for this, and I certainly didn`t sign up for the position.
I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache...and then she won`t talk to you anymore.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women hahaha
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
Two clowns are eating a cannibal. One turns to the other and says "I think we got this joke wrong."
There’d be less accidents if there was a texting lane.
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
Personally, I think failure should be an option
if your morning beverage isn`t half booze/half coffee, you`re doing Saturday wrong.
It takes me like three days to wake up in the morning.
On the plus side of 2017, the use of the words `awesomesauce` and `amazeballs` were at an all time low.