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If abortion is murder then are condoms kidnapping?
Behind every crazy woman is a man that made her that way.
I am so thankful for all the people that aren`t in my life.
I hate to admit it, but I’ve got a serious drinking problem. I don’t have any more money to buy liquor.
How do you get to be that guy who waves the chopsticks at the the orchestra? I feel like I could do that.
Let`s all play a game: For every political post, you must post 5 non political posts. #makefacebookhappyagain
It`s just adorable how the Liquor Store cashier always wishes me a good week as if I won`t be back tomorrow.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
The key to eating healthy is to avoid any food that has a TV commercial.
I can tell people are judgmental just by looking at them.
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours.
A compromise is an agreement whereby both parties get what neither of them wanted.
Shaving your head is the "You can`t fire me because i quit" approach to male pattern baldness.
Words of Wisdom: Don`t cover your mouth when you sneeze. You`ll get snot and stuff all over your hands