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I don`t know what everyone`s complaining about. The economy looks great from my parents` basement.
I would like to remind everyone it`s not the size of the boat... Or the motion of the ocean, but the whether the boat is able to stay in port until all passangers have gotten off.
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
When i am bored, i like parking along side the xpressway stick a hair dryer out the window, and watch everyone slam on their brakes.
Here walk a mile in my shoes. They`re giving me huge blisters.
The Discovery Channel should be on a different channel every day.
My favorite all time cooking shows: 1. Iron Chef 2. Hell`s Kitchen 3. Breaking bad
I`m ready to regret having sex with you.
Single ladies, stop saying you should just give up & get a cat , if no man wants you , don`t force an innocent cat to live with you..
Your secrets are safe with me because I zone out everytime you speak.
Nothing is better than seeing your ex with someone uglier than you!
If you hold a 40oz bottle to your ear you can hear the ghetto.
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
I hate laundry, dishes, sweeping, mopping, dusting, fixing and fetching. The only logical conclusion is that I am descended from royalty.
I hate when I wake up in a strange house, & have to go outside to look at a license plate to figure out what state I`m in.