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I`m going to make a bucket list: Things I`m going to do before I kick the bucket. Number 1: WEAR SHOES!!!
Sticks and stones may break your bones. Also good: lead pipes.
Let`s simplify this. Deliver a pizza to me every night unless I call.
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
My neighbours are loud and obnoxious. Now I know how Canada feels.
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
Since it is the day to give thanks, I would like to say once again...you`re welcome.
Hey, guy from the gym with lifting gloves still on, you can take them off now, you`re in Starbucks.
It`s amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our pen!ses in their mouth.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
I wish I was full of tacos instead of feelings.
If that was me in the movie Taken, my dad would have missed the call and emailed me 3 days later asking if I have a job yet
The difference between pizza and your opinion is that I asked for pizza…
Just got rid of 150lbs of ugly fat ... Got divorced.