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They say in the near future computers will become more intelligent than people, really, the near future? I walk down the street and see girls who struggle with the difference between orange and tanned, guys who have no idea how a belt works, and all of them with less language skills then the average trained chimp. Computers? Hell I’ve got an alarm clock that’s smarter than most of them right now.
Insomnia causes questionable browser history.
So.. who else is sleeping naked tonight?
Drive-Thru Workers: The longer you make me wait in line, the more change will be used for my payment...
A man walks into a bar & orders a beer. He drinks it, looks in his pocket & orders another. This happens 7 more times. Bartender asks, "What`s in your pocket?" Man says, "I have a photo of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I`ll go home."
Hello customer service, I ate two happy meals and I’m still not happy
At this point in life, my greatest chance of having a threesome will be sex with a schizophrenic.
The buses don`t go where you live do they.
Anything can be considered your job if you hate it enough.
Why is it that everyone hears the car alarm for a good 5 minutes before the owner does?
You make me wanna be a better stalker. No, seriously. Slow the f*ck down.
You know if you say gullible slowly it sounds like oranges :)
Why don`t family members send me money for my birthday anymore? I need it now more than when I was 7
Didn`t have to do much to end my last relationship...she first told me that "opposites attract"...then a couple of days later she told me i was handsome, kind, smart, funny and loving...
I’m watching this show on stalkers, still haven’t seen any of you yet.