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I hate when I’m about to hug someone really sexy and then my face hits the mirror.
It must be really hard to judge a wet t-shirt contest because I saw one recently and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30
It’s always hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they’re always taking things literally.
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
I`m not saying your house is haunted, but I think a ghost just ate all of your Gummy Bears while you were in the bathroom.
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
Go to O`Reilly Auto Parts website and type, `121G` in the search bar.
My mom just walked in and called me gay... If my nails weren`t drying i swear to God..
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
Due To ObamaCare and the poor economy Holiday Cheer this year will be distributed in Shot Glasses...
Some parts of the world use Facebook to overthrow evil dictators. Me? I just want you all to know how delicious my sandwich is.
If you`re going to give me dirty looks for being at the liquor store at 10am, don`t be open.
I`m always right. And when I`m not, I edit Wikipedia.
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly