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It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
If you like someone, pretend they`re a charger and you`re an iPhone on 1%. Run to them. Grab them. Plug them in. Wait, I lost the metaphor.
When you are on a first date and she says to you: “I want you to treat me like a movie star,” it is vitally important to establish which type of movie.
Apparently, the answer `I know.` is not a good answer when your friend tells you how awesome his girlfriend is in bed.
Pool party at my house, bring ur own pool..
If you don`t put your leftovers in Tupperware for like at least two weeks before throwing it in the trash... you`re doing it wrong.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn’t have couches at this Best Buy
Still waiting for a criminal on Law and Order to say,,, "Hey,, Aren`t you Ice-T?"
if you were 2 times as smart as you are now ... you would still be stupid
No, no, no, you don`t have to engage in a long explanation of why you`re single. We`ve spent five minutes together, I think I`ve got it.
Do not put off until tomorrow what you can put off indefinitely.
I took part in the sun tan world championships this weekend. I got bronze.
If money grew on trees, Congress would actually care about the environment.
You know it was a good sh!t when you come back and your screensaver is on.