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I`m just here until I can make day drinking a full time job
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says "trust me, you don`t want to know."
169 is still a sex position, but with a creepy guy watching.
This pill bottle says `Take with plenty of fluids` and `Don`t take with alcohol`. That doesn`t even make sense
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
Remember the good ole days when we had to get out of bed to use the Internet.
The Australian kiss is just like the French kiss but down under.
I hate lying to kids but my daughter asked me what twerking was and I told her it was when identical twins go to each others` jobs
I need a "previously on your life" recap for the things I didn`t pay attention to.
I`m currently writing a book about my love of dogs and gardening. It`s called b*tches and hoes
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
Just sneezed 8 times in a row and saw the entrance to Narnia for a split second.
If I could have a superpower, it would be the ability to watch people workout and then absorb their health benefits...
Secret Web Cam Test: Please nod your head yes if you can read this.
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!