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Corduroy boxing gloves deliver the best punchlines.
It`s hard to compliment a fake person without lying.
Now that Microsoft`s Steve Ballmer has bought the Clippers, I wonder if he will release a new version every few years that we all hate.
I put my head between my legs and lean forward.....thats how I roll
If you don’t like something change it... if you can’t change it....post it on facebook, so we can "like it" and laugh..
Sometimes, just to annoy my Therapist, I’ll ask him; “so how does my lack of progress make you feel?”
It’s funny how people get mad when you treat them the same way they treat you.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice ... it`s cuz you have really nice tits.
Just completed my sexual harassment training and I think I`m finally ready to start harassing people.
Think about how much more stressful life’s most stressful moments would be if accompanied by the running-out-of-time music in Mario Bros.
Haters can hate all they want... they don`t affect my money.
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
Thank god that racist basketball guy showed up or we`d still be talking about how we`re not finding that airplane.
My Facebook account would benefit from a breathalyzer-activated password.