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I`m allergic to stupidity ... which is why I break out in to sarcasm.
Silence is Golden, except when coming from children… Then you’d better go check to see what’s broken.
Someone outside the grocery store asked me if I had a few seconds to save the environment. I feel like it would take longer than that...
The term "I paid GOOD money for that!" is soo silly..Honestly, have you ever seen BAD money? NOT ME !!!
Me: You`ve dimmed the lights already, aren`t we forward? * smiles suggestively * Optometrist: Just read the letters on the screen.
Walmart is one store where it is truly acceptable to shop in your pajamas.
Wouldn’t exercise be more fun if calories screamed while you burned them?
If you ever get a flat tire, take a picture of it on your phone so for future reference you can use it as a valid excuse.
It only takes 3.5 inches to please a woman, it doesn`t matter if its Visa or Mastercard.
If I`ve learned anything about picking up woman at the super market it`s to stay away from those in the tampon isle.
Good morning my friends ... Wait a minute ... What the f*ck am I doing up this early.
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.
As soon as you think “maybe I can get up early and just finish it tomorrow” you’ve already lost.
Seriously, it’s almost 2014, can we please get some waterproof phones? I would like to text in the shower.
Spank me once, shame on you. Spank me twice, now we`re getting somewhere.