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I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
Rum balls, rum cake, rum spiked eggnog, rum in fruitcakes...you know, anymore, there`s more of the Captain than of Christ in Christmas...
Two things I am thankful for: 1: Family and friends. 2: Caller ID, so I can avoid certain family and friends.
I can`t stand people who blame everyone else for their problems....I`d be successful and happy by now if it wasn`t for them!!!!
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
When we give each other a thumbs up, it`s our way of mocking every other animal on earth.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
*Australian accent* Notice the wife in her natural habitat shaming the male husband species into doing what she wants!
I`m starting to think that Dr. Dre isn`t a real doctor after all...
*during sex,I suddenly stop moving* Her: What are you doing? Me: SHHHHH It`s ok...I saw this on Pornhub, It`s called Buffering!
Trust is knowing you never have to look through their phone.
You ever notice that the number of extra steps a drunk takes getting home? ...its staggering!
I hate to call it "one night stands"... I prefer the term "auditions"
If by a blow job you mean blowing everything out of proportion then yes I totally rock at blow jobs.