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The statement ‘Hey! Calm down!’ has a zero to no success rate of getting someone to calm down.
You know you’re awesome when you know you’re awesome.
Happy third birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge.
"Everybody freeze!" -December
I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.... LOL
I just awesomed all over the place.
Whenever our neighbor`s dog is barking, I know there`s either someone at their door or literally anything else in the universe has happened.
Hoodie Footie Pajamas from Pajamagram; because nothing tells a girl you love her like giving her something to cover up her body from head to toe before she gets in your bed.
It’s hard to tell if I’m dealing really well with life these days or if I just don’t give a sh!t.
Is it bad when I´m talking to myself and I´m not even listening?
The best job ever? Sleeping Beauty at Disney World. You just lay down all day. If anyone bothers you, it’s like excuse me, I’m working here.
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven
I was the only one that cared when Jimmy cracked corn.
scientific fact: never tell a woman she`s crazy unless you want to see crazy.