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"Rear facing, pedal activated photon cannon" sounds much more badass than "brake lights"
Dear Microsoft Office Word I am pretty sure I spelled my name correct
I don’t like being told what to do unless I’m naked.
I`m not an asshole, I`m just the only one who has the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.
Sometimes I wanna copy someone´s status word for word and see if they notice.
Good judgement comes from bad experience and a lot of that comes from bad judgement
So what if I`m single now ... I mean it can`t be that hard to boil toast, can it?
Imagine being naked in a room full of people who speak a different language and everyone wants to touch you. That is the life of a dog.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
I have a million dollar idea that I will share with the first million people to send me a dollar.
Why is it called mooning when you`re actually showing uranus?
Hello everyone. Look at your status, now back to mine, now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn’t mine. But if you stopped posting about other things and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up. Where are you? You’re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like.
Of course you should follow me. I’m funny. Ask anyone. Well, except my mother-in-law. Don`t ask her.
is not rude...I just wasn`t taught to politely pretend to be nice to people I can`t stand.
I think stupid people were put on this earth to test my anger management skills.