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Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
Thanks to everyone for the Birthday wishes! To anyone who missed it.”No cake for you!!"
Do stupid people ever hit a point in their life, where they realize they’re stupid?
Does the sleeve tat go with my male pattern baldness and pot belly? Asking for a friend.
I have every episode of Hoarders saved on DVD.
Why would you be scared to get Ebola? You haven`t left your couch since 2011.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want. If my wife says it`s okay.
I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not…except for sober. I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
If it wasn`t for pizza delivery, you wouldn`t see me shoveling a walkway.
The next person that tells me I have no shame…probably knows me pretty darn well.
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
Porn can be so misleading. I quit my pizza delivery job after two days.