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My credit card company says I have an outstanding balance. I’m flattered.
I am dealing with it like an adult! Tonight I`m getting drunk!!!
Next time a stranger talks to me when I`m alone, I will look at them shocked and whisper quietly...."You can see me???"
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
"Turtle Power" is not an appropriate response when HR asks you how you plan to meet your objectives this year. Apparently.
I wish Noah would have swatted those two mosquitoes.
The best way to a woman`s heart is by saying three words - You lost weight.
Turns out if you fake your death every monday work catches on.
Don`t waste your time being difficult. Put forth a little more effort and be impossible.
Did you know you have the right to remain silent even when you`re not being arrested?
All my life I thought air was free… and then I bought a bag of chips. ^^
I stopped paying my car payments to concentrate on my dream of appearing on a Repo show.
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll
Rapunzel is my favorite fairy tale about a woman who finds happiness when a man pulls her hair.
I can’t decide if the drinks are too weak or if my tolerance is too strong.