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Who else has dropped the phone on their face while laying in bed reading Facebook?
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
It`s impossible to look like a bad ass while eating a snow cone.
Has anyone EVER checked to see how the room or wall behind them looks before taking and posting 50 selfies?!
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
Hardest question in a relationship, "What do you feel like eating?"
My little brother just told me I looked stoned as hell. Which is a little weird, considering I don`t have a little brother...
That message felt like a great idea until I hit send.
Admit it, at some point in time you’ve tried to see if you had superpowers.
I know there are some people we say were dropped on their heads as babies. But there are others that were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window.
My wife told me that her favorite position is when I lay very very still wearing a toe tag and she starts dating again
My phone just filmed a 6 hour documentary about life inside my pocket
I like to go to a strangers house tell them you used to live there and that your grandfather hid money somewhere in the house and just leave.
If history repeats itself then I am SO getting a dinosaur.
A synonym is a word you use when you can´t spell the word you first thought of.