Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
First fart at my new job.
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
My wife just made a "special" dinner "just for me" for no apparent reason. I`m going to die, right ?
Fun thing to do: Go to a parking lot and put sticky notes on peoples cars saying "sorry for the damage" and watch them look for it
I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, `change color and escape in a cloud of ink`
Facebook is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.
One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
I`m as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn.
That awkward moment when the automatic flushing toilet goes off when you`re still sitting down.
You know you’re ugly when it comes to a group picture and they hand you the camera.
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
“I saw that.” -Karma
I`ll never join one of those dating sites. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way. By alcohol & bad decisions.
Pizza will never tell you you`re fat unless you`re high as sh!t, then pizza is probably suggesting you fight an aardvark to lose weight.