Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not sure if I actually have free time or there are things I`m forgetting to do.
I`m well on my way to getting absolutely nothing done today.
Everybody says waking up at 5 in the morning to exercise makes you feel great but I think lying in bed for another 2 hours feels better.
The black sheep always have the best stories.
Apparently, walking up behind a girl in the produce isle with celery in my hand and saying "I`m stalking you" was much funnier in my head.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
I have the body of a God. Unfortunately, it`s Buddha.
spank me, its the only way i`ll learn.
PRO TIP: Date someone who doesn`t drink vodka so she won`t drink all of yours.
I eat tacos over a tortilla so that way when stuff falls out Boom another taco.
The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
I see you posted a photograph of snow with the caption "it`s cold" could you tell me more about that
Never run after a man or a bus, there is always another one coming.
DO NOT expect a "Bless You" after your 3rd sneeze. Get that sh!t under control.
All I know about sex is from Internet Porn, I`ve tried everything except `Buffering`.