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If you think this status is funny someone you hate will step on a lego.
A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
The irony of social media is that the majority of users are all alone.
3 horrible facts: 1. Today is not Friday... 2. Tomorrow is not Friday... 3. The day after tomorrow is not Friday...
Now that football season is here, if anyone`s favorite team loses, they can just blame it on Trump.
iPhone is really a terrible name considering how rarely I use it as a phone. That`s like if my bed was named iSex.
I`ve been building my own particle accelerator. Plan to create a boson particle. Explore the mysteries.....you know what? This is a lot of work. Think I`m just going to have a beer and play Call of Duty.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
I`m selling my browser history on eBay before the government does.
Can everyone come to my funeral in FBI outfits, stand at the back & not say a word to my parents so they think I lived a cool double life.
If u think someone (me) is cute u should tell them (me)
Started working on my taxes today and learned why the form is called 1040. For every $50 I make, I get $10 and the gov`t gets $40...
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
Sometimes, when my husband has a day off, I like to bring the TV remote with me to work.