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My fella asked me to name all my sexual partners. I took a couple of minutes to list them and eventually got to him. Should of stopped there
My kids think I`m uncool like I thought my parents where. Time to get even! ;)
I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
Ask your doctor if walking blindly into traffic is right for you
I tend to say “I don’t know” when I’m too lazy to think.
Doctor told me I only have 6 months to live, maybe 12 if I get enough likes on Facebook.
I`ve been struggling with my laziness. I can`t decide if I should sit down and do nothing or lie down and do nothing.
What if the lightbulb had never been invented? How would we know when someone has a really good idea?
is easily distracted by shiny objects.
If you really loved your kids, you would teach them to say their alphabet forwards AND backwards. They`ll thank you later.
A mouse trap, placed on top on of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
We`re up to Fast n Furious #6. Shouldn`t they just create a weekly TV series?
A fun thing to do is comment "that ain`t the girl you were with at the bar the other night" on all my married friends Facebook family photos
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???
I`m not naughty ... I`m mischievously creative