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I haven`t slept for three days, because that would be too long
They should start selling Photoshop CD`s at cosmetic shops.
Any hedge can be a maze if you are drunk enough.
The worst thing about dating is bringing a nice guy home after dinner, only to find your husband home early from work.
We should`ve let the guy who named oranges keep naming other stuff.
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
If I pat you on the back, there`s a 99% chance that I`m only using you as a napkin
This weekends forecast shows a 0% chance of cooking or cleaning, with a good chance of laying around in my pajamas.
You actually have friends? Yeah bro, all 10 seasons on DVD.
I just found love.....its on page 369 in dictionary
My mind has a mind of its own.
Random Fact of the Day: Letting the cat out of the bag is a whole lot easier than putting it back in.
"Hello 911?" "Someone just stole my status on Facebook... yes, I`ll hold."
Relationship status: Just kissed my cat and he got up and moved to the other end of the couch.
Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.