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My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.
Smooth move.........ExLax
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
They should make a medal for anyone who uses an entire tube of chapstick without losing it.
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
There was a glorious time, before social media, when you would just lose touch with people.
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
On a scale of 9 to 10, how would you rate me?
Only toilet paper deals with more a$$holes than I do.
I have problems cleaning my house because I get distracted by all the fun things I find.
Haircuts are great because I did none of the work but get all of the credit.
I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once, and I nearly killed some guy on a bike.
When I was a boy, Mom would send me down to the corner store with $1 and I would get 5 bags of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 bottles of milk, some cheese and 6 eggs. You can`t do that now, to many damn security cameras!
I don`t hate you, but I hope you fall in love and get married.
They said money can`t by happiness. But it can buy tattoos, car parts, and beer. What else could we need?