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Being an adult is mainly drinking coffee and pretending to be productive.
Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
Our office just got a new conference table. It sleeps 20.
Note to self: When sending Valentines messages don`t use group text next year.
I quit my job at the helium factory today. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.
Hey all you parents who recently named your kid Jax, We get it you`re unoriginal and watch SOA ... Hold on my daughter Grey`s Anatomy is crying.
Let`s share...you take the grenade and I`ll take the pin.
I spend 800% of my life exaggerating.
This coffee would work better if I could throw it at people.
I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my mind and my temper
He who laughs first, must be connected to wi-fi.
Tried to make a stew and accidentally summoned a demon again.
Facebook really needs a “pee on someone’s wall” option.
The quality of a good neighbour is not seeing them often.
I thought 50 shades of gray was just a makeup application guide for goth chicks