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For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
Why is it always "I see you drank all the beer today!" instead of, "Oh, honey, that was so sweet of you to help clean out the refrigerator."
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
Guys I can`t be leave I`m sharing this with you, but I saw my self on TV. After I turned it off.
I`m so great, I`m jealous of myself.
I enjoy short walks to the fridge
The correct answer to "How are you?" is "Fine." If you ever stray from that dialogue, please know that nobody gives a sh!t.
If a man says you`re ugly, he`s being mean. If a woman says you`re ugly, she`s jealous. If a little kid says you`re ugly, then you`re ugly.
Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you`re standing outside watching your house burn.
UFC is 10% fighting, and 90% advertising the next fight
I like staying up insanely late but I also like getting 12 hours of sleep. See my dilemma?
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!