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When they discover the center of the universe, alot of people will be shocked they`re not in it.
Thanks to Facebook i now know what everyones bathroom looks like.
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
I watched my first Porn the other day. I looked so much younger back then!
My neighbor thinks I`m crazy and that I`ve been stalking her. well at least that`s what her diary says.
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
Dogs are great. You can count on them to alert you of danger...Also, children passing by, squirrels and gusts of wind they don`t like.
Your mother never saw the irony in calling you son of a bitch.
It`s as if none of these people have ever seen a beer hat at the gym before.
Thanksgiving is a great time to test the boundaries of how drunk you can get before your family members notice.
Apple and Blackberry should team up and make a phone called the Pie.
Its almost that time again! That`s right, its holiday season! Merry Black Friday sales, and happy spending!
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?
Pretty impressed at petrol station today, as i was filling up, i heard woman with truck at next pump say is that Vin Diesel, I smiled, then realised she meant Van Diesel :-/