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If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.
When they say " drink responsibly ", what they really mean is "don`t f***in spill it!"
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size
If Shrek can find love, so can you. What I`m trying to say is, you look like Shrek.
Look, if your cart is in the middle of the aisle and I need to get by, then yes, this is bumper cars.
The question isn’t who is going to let you; it’s who is going to stop you.
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
Studies show that 99% of Dans are not "the man."
Coworker drank the last of the coffee and now he`s going to the clinic for a `work related` injury.
I bet someone could get really rich opening a business that untangles Christmas lights!
Fruit cocktail is the most disappointing of all the cocktails.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don`t be a smart-ass".
gone fishing ¸.·´¯`·.¸><((((º>
Have you ever noticed that half way through the ColonialPenn insurance commercial, Alex Trebek tries to pull a Jedi-Mind-Trick on us.... "This is the insurance you are looking for." (I didn`t get enough sleep last night.)
What kind of downward spiral would cause a person to "like" cream cheese on Facebook?