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Do people smoke e-cigarettes after sexting?
I`m starting to think that the Facebook status update I liked has had absolutely no influence on Government policy at all.
It`s so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way up!
Change is hard. Seriously, have you ever bit a nickel?
I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel... It was 3 weeks from tomorrow.
If you ever disappeared while hiking, I’d remain with the search party at least until it started raining.
My superpower is getting behind the person who is obviously refinancing their mortgage at the ATM.
Stop waiting for the perfect moment. Take a moment and make that sh!t perfect.
People be like… I will love you unconditionally on one condition.
Dear Life, Please, use a Lubricant.
I tried to login on my iPad. Turns out it was an etch-a-sketch and I don`t own an iPad. Also. I`m out of alcohol.
Why hasn`t anyone written a sequal song to "Jessie`s Girl" ... Where he discovers what an incredible high maintenance drag she is?
Yes... I repost. Isn`t that kinda the point? Spread the love and shit? Mostly shit... But that`s your fault...
Having plans sounds great until you realize you have to put on clothes and actually leave the house.
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.