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Stress balls really work when you shove them down someone`s throat.
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
A cash bar on parent-teacher conference nights would be a great fundraiser for schools.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
I was offering free mammograms in the company parking lot long before my employer was doing it ... just sayin
Marriage is for quitters
I just realized that the only time I`m good at dancing is when I`m about to pee my pants
My wife has a thing for bringing injured animals home... I think she should just stop driving.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
If he remembers your eye color after the first date, then you probably have small boobs
If it weren`t for marriage,,, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.
My version of Heaven would be filled with all the things I`d probably go to hell for.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting.
Is your drama going to have an intermission soon? I need to pee.
I`m gonna just take a quick nap before I go to bed.