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I`m sick and tired of people telling me to turn off my lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I hit a cyclist....
You see I, I´ve raise a toast to all of us. Who are breakin´ our backs everyday. If wantin´ the good life is such a crime. Lord, then put me away, yeah, here´s to you
Why do we say "A word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones who need it?
is trying to decide ... laundry today or naked tomorrow
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
Please don`t make me choose between you and porn.
Why did they send me to this white room? Do they think I`m crazy? Do they think I`m ...HOLY CRAP THE WALLS ARE FLUFFY!!!
Don`t, under any circumstance, believe I`ll return your Tupperware.
According to my current parking spot, I`m Chief of Police.
Lately I`ve been convinced that some people were born solely for purpose of eventually pissing me off...
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
I just quit my job at the helium bottling plant. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone!
I`ve been around the block a few times.....but only because I was too drunk to find my house.