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To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
Sometimes I don`t go big just so I can go home.
I`d say I`m not a morning person but I`m really not sure I`m an evening person either.
I`m constantly bombarded with requests to check out `Candy Crush`… well I`ve spent hours searching the porn networks… I can`t bloody find her!
Poetry would be a lot harder if violets were orange.
I bought my Ex a chair ... But the state won`t let me plug it in.
We can`t all be princesses, somebody has to clap as I go by. :P
Never tell a lie ... unless it is absolutely convenient
According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low…Well, sure, it’s hard to steal a car when the owner’s living in it…
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
Thumbnail pics. Helping ugly people look hot until you click on them since 1995.
The only clubs I’m into are sandwiches.
I just don`t think a partridge in a pear tree would make a great gift