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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
Most people donate to the homeless. Me? I donate to the topless.
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
IMPORTANT REMINDER: Sunday is Mother`s Day, which means Facebook is gonna be annoying as crap...
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
is confused. Oh wait, maybe not.
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
There is no time like the present for postponing what you ought to be doing.
I`m absolutely nailing this "I give a sh!t" face today!
For the life of me, I can’t understand why small and medium pizzas exist.
Note to self: stop buying stuff on Ebay when drunk. Anyone need a zamboni?
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
drinks well with others.