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If doing things was as easy as thinking about doing things I’d get a lot more done.
Going on a dangerous assignment. If I don`t come back, can someone please tell my girlfriend that I always found her laugh really annoying. Thanks.
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
Happy 4th of July ... U can toss out the Christmas tree now
Sorry for nicking your car w/my door, but you didn`t leave much room. It`s small, but I circled it with my key so you could find it.
I have the same thought when I watch horror flicks as when I watch my wedding videos. I should have known who the psycho was much sooner.
You can`t make me believe there`s a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
Roses are red, violets are blue. god made me pretty,what happened to you?
A homeless man comes up to me asking for change, I say "Change comes from within." He looked stunned.
You couldn`t handle me even if I came with instructions.
So many people are making history right now. but me, I`m deleting history from my browser.
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”