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There are only two types of honest people in this world, small children and drunk people.
" I don`t watch much tv" proudly says a person who spend 8 hours a day on the internet.
Dear person reading this, I could be naked right now and you would never know.
You can always tell a lot from that first kiss, especially when they say things like "please stop" and "who are you?"
I received an email from a hacker that had accessed my bank account. It simply read, "LOL".
I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.
Humans claim to be the superior species, but a penguin can use its own body as a toboggan so who`s the real winner?
The smaller the town, the bigger the sex cult.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
My package finally came today. this is awesome....it means I have bubble wrap to play with
Life would be perfect if: Mondays were fun, junk food was healthy, drama didn’t exist, and goodbyes were only until tomorrow.
I`ve decided that throughout the time period starting with Thanksgiving, continuing on to Christmas and ending on New Years Day, the term `Calories" regarding all food shall be referred to as "Deliciousness Points."
Know what? If they had Neosporin back in 1931, that nasty scar on Frankenstein`s forehead would have been far less noticeable.
Tarantulas are like cigarettes. They are pretty much harmless, until you put them in your mouth and light them on fire.