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Laugh now, but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world
"Waiter, I`d like to send this back" -m`am, I believe that`s your husband.
Telling someone they shouldn`t be sad because others have it worse is like telling someone they shouldn`t be happy because others have it better.
Deadliest Catch and Jersey Shore - two reality tv shows about catching crabs
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
I am not acting childish and you`re just a big doody-head.
If I had to describe myself in one word it would be “doesn’t know how to follow directions.”
I`ve never said "in all seriousness" and actually meant it.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
I once overdosed on Viagra. My wife took it really hard.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. I’m buying a sandwich.
I`m not antisocial. I`m pro leave-me-the-hell-alone.
My number was 0...
Being all talk and no action sounds relaxing.
It`s spooky how many kids look like their owners.