Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m gonna open a bar and name it Rehab.....
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
Whenever I open my fridge, my dog looks at me with a puzzled look and he thinks: Why don’t you eat all the food?
I didn`t text you. Vodka texted you.
Just used the holiday card with your kid`s face on it to scoop up a dog turd in the living room.
And now it`s too hot outside to take down the Christmas lights
Always remember, it`s better to arrive late than to arrive ugly.
Don’t be upset that you’re single; be happy that someone isn’t ruining your life.
I bet strippers look forward to that feeling of getting home and wearing a bra after a long day at work.
Why is there an eject button on the DVD remote? You still have to get up & take the disc out. It`s like having a remote to open the fridge.
If they made a movie of my life, it would just be a lot of scenes where I`m looking for something to wipe my hands on.
I hate driving so much that I even ring for taxis on grand theft auto.
Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?
I have decided to give up procrastinating for Lent ... oh, crap.
Don`t worry, kids. Being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.