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Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
It`s a good thing farting isn`t as contagious as yawning.
Hi can you fill this prescription please? Sir this is just a post-it note with `give me the good stuff` written on it.
This year for Lent I`m giving up hanging out with all the people who gave up drinking for Lent.
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
I got kicked out of the public swimming pool today. Apparently the `Breast Stroke` wasn`t what I thought it was.
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
$100 for a dozen red what?! That`s a lot of money for a plant you can’t smoke.
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
Roses are red. Violets are blue. Sunflowers are yellow. I bet you were expecting something romantic, but this is just gardening facts.
Asian gangs, also known as study groups...
uncle Sam can`t be related to me because family wouldn`t do me like this.
I never finish anyth...............
I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.