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So, I bought a wok to cook healthy food and I have to say, these french fries don`t taste any different.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the smart one
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
I can totally relate to cranky elderly people. I mean you can only be nice for so long!
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
I have 500 friends and only 499 Birthday wishes on facebook! I`ll remember that when it`s YOUR birthday #405!!!
If you can say "I made six figures last year," you either have a well paying job or you`re the worst employee at a toy factory
I like to go on drunk facebook post binges, then claim the next day that someone hacked my account.
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
I`d save a lot more money on car insurance if they quit spending billions on advertising.
The easiest way to distract a woman is to show her a picture of herself.
has a drinking problem...I can`t afford it
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)
Throw a stranger a surprise party by putting confetti inside their closed umbrella when they’re not looking!