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Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
So in between the 4 seconds that I missed your call and managed to call ya back, you`ve fallen off the face of the earth?
Do handjobs from girls who speak sign language count as blowjobs
I just replaced the can of air freshener in the office bathroom with an air horn. And now we wait...
It`s not their fault, per se, but at some point, Crayola has to be held responsible for continuing to make crayons nostril-width.
The wifi going down on me is the most action I`m going to get tonight.
My neighbour has diabetes and now she won`t make me cupcakes anymore, its like bad things always happen to me.
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
If you want funny, get off Facebook and watch the news...
GAL: Would you keep me in your heart forever? BOY: Nop! GAL: (sadly)...why? BOY: Because then you`ll occupy only one part of me...but i`ll keep you in my heart, mind & let you complete me.
I´m really bored but too lazy to do anything about it.
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
If you fall, I`ll be there - Floor
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.
You know you`re drunk when you sit down on the toilet & try to put your seatbelt on