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1. I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
   
2. Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
   
3. I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn`t be oppressed.
   
4. Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, “here, fill this out”.
   
5. I have decided I no longer want to be an adult. So if anyone needs me, I`ll be in my blankey fort... coloring.
   
6. If at first you don`t succeed then you`re a loser...
   
7. I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
   
8. The wet spot in my bed is tears
   
9. I saw a bumper sticker today that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...
   
10. If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
    
11. Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
    
12. Adam Levine beating me out for sexiest man contest is complete bullsh*t.
    
13. We`re like hot chocolate and marshmallows. You`re hot, and I wanna be on top of you.
    
14. During the holidays people have to make a choice between enjoying the holidays or spending it with the relatives.
    
    
    
    
    
    

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